Sunday, 31 July 2011

Update on my friend

So its been three months since things started going badly for my friend in her marriage. He keeps coming and going. He 'loves' her but he has got about 5 women on the go. His lies to them are gangsta. He obviously has not told any of them about his kids. He is currently unemployed yet somehow these women believe him when he says he owns his own business and that he is 28 (homeboy is 33 and sleeping on his friends bedroom floor).

He asked my friend last week to get back with him and told her that the should consider counselling because he is ready to change. It was during a break in their discussion she saw his facebook messages to the girls.(He wasn't even sleek enough to chat these girls up somewhere else, he was doing it ON his estranged wife's computer). It was only after shit hit the fan she told me that he asked her for a loan not long after he told her he was ready to make their relationship work. Thank God she didn't give him the money but the scary thing is that she told me she genuinely considered it.

This was the kicker for me. I asked her WHY she still even spoke to the man. What exactly is it about this man that she can't seem to let go of because to be honest, there is absolutely NOTHING going on for him on paper. She told me that is was very simple. She couldn't understand why he didn't want her, after everything she had done for him. How can he just stop loving her? She only had to make it clear to him that he was still in love with her.

At that moment, I took a step back because homegirl sounded kind of bunny boilerish. You can't MAKE someone love you. The sad thing about life is that sometimes things just don't work out, you just have to dust yourself and keep moving on.

All hope isn't lost though, I think it has finally dawned on her that it is over. She has started taking a few evening classes to keep her busy, she is moving into a new place soon for a fresh start and she seems to have started picking up the pieces.

Last week she called me excitedly to inform me she met someone else. 'He seems like a really nice guy and is really funny' I told her to stop  imagining their wedding and what their kids will look like. Its just too soon. Besides, she needs to focus on sorting her head out because to be honest, if you don't love yourself, no one will love you.

xxPretty Lashesxx

Picture Source (google images)


  1. I think that this is the case with a lot of women who can't seem to make themselves let go of their bf/hubby after he's done them wrong. Its this "how could you possibly be doing this to me when i have been nothing but good to you" mentality.

  2. Is she Nigerian by any chance?

  3. Your friend sounds like she has really serious low self-esteem.

    To be honest, I think she needs a break from me.....just enough time to truly examine why she always has to have a man by her side.

    Sometimes, a relationship can distract one from personal development.

    Have a blessed week

  4. ...its so true, if you don't love yourself, no one will love you. I hope your home girl goes into this relationship with a clear head....its important, I'm thinking she might be on a rebound

  5. she is most definitely on the rebound Dayor that's how she got with this guy in the first place.

    @Tola, she isn't Nigerian. Why??

    Naijamum, true talk as always.

    Thank you all for stopping by. Xx

  6. your friend really needs to learn to love herself, and stop thinking that getting a man is her solution. I wish she gets it.

  7. It's difficult to be patient with friends when it all seems so glaring to you, but the view is always better from afar. Glad the scales are falling off homegirl's eyes. Hope she doesn't relapse. Keep being a good friend. She needs you.

  8. You are right about a lot of things. You really can't make someone love or even like you, regardless of how you see yourself. Sometimes things just don't work out, you have to let it go as painful as it is.

    Maybe this new guy would help her ditch the old dude, even if things don't work out with her and new guy.

  9. I've noticed that there is still a lot of pressure on Nigerian women to get married and have children and our identity and value as women is still very much tied to that. I just wondered if your friend might be a victim of this pressure.

  10. :( I can only imagine how difficult it is for her to just let go and move on. she has to do that though, obviously the guy is bad news.

  11. @ Tola,
    she is South American. Funny enough she said the pressure is pretty much the same for her back home. It also didn't help that she was the last to get married despite being the oldest. That may have been one of the triggers that pushed her into it.

    @Madame Sting, I think it will, I'm just worried she will latch on to the new guy like she did the old one. When that happens she starts to go downhill pretty quick!

    @etoile, It gets hard sometimes not to shake someone when they find it diffcult to understand you. Hopefully its upwards and onwards for her now.

    @Tamunoibifiri, I really hope she does.


  12. :( some ladies are in this situation. I guess its really difficult for them to let go but i pray she moves on...

  13. hmmm the new guy would be good if she is considering him for the right reasons and not rebound but a good break might do her good.. work on herself and love herself and be happy before bringing someone else into her life

  14. I pray that your friend will truly move on and love's a process but it'll be one of the best things she's ever done...a broken marriage is devastating.

  15. I can feel for her, but she should take it easy so she doesn't rebound with another guy.

  16. I hate stories like this,they just make me so furious!

  17. Wow. Emotions are amazing things- they make you blind to all else. At least she's trying to move on though

    Muse Origins (Creative Nigerian Features)
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  18. hope she doesnt blow this 2nd relationship by being too clingy. easy does it.


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