Update on my friend

So its been three months since things started going badly for my friend in her marriage. He keeps coming and going. He 'loves' her but he has got about 5 women on the go. His lies to them are gangsta. He obviously has not told any of them about his kids. He is currently unemployed yet somehow these women believe him when he says he owns his own business and that he is 28 (homeboy is 33 and sleeping on his friends bedroom floor).

He asked my friend last week to get back with him and told her that the should consider counselling because he is ready to change. It was during a break in their discussion she saw his facebook messages to the girls.(He wasn't even sleek enough to chat these girls up somewhere else, he was doing it ON his estranged wife's computer). It was only after shit hit the fan she told me that he asked her for a loan not long after he told her he was ready to make their relationship work. Thank God she didn't give him the money but the scary thing is that she told me she genuinely considered it.

This was the kicker for me. I asked her WHY she still even spoke to the man. What exactly is it about this man that she can't seem to let go of because to be honest, there is absolutely NOTHING going on for him on paper. She told me that is was very simple. She couldn't understand why he didn't want her, after everything she had done for him. How can he just stop loving her? She only had to make it clear to him that he was still in love with her.

At that moment, I took a step back because homegirl sounded kind of bunny boilerish. You can't MAKE someone love you. The sad thing about life is that sometimes things just don't work out, you just have to dust yourself and keep moving on.

All hope isn't lost though, I think it has finally dawned on her that it is over. She has started taking a few evening classes to keep her busy, she is moving into a new place soon for a fresh start and she seems to have started picking up the pieces.

Last week she called me excitedly to inform me she met someone else. 'He seems like a really nice guy and is really funny' I told her to stop  imagining their wedding and what their kids will look like. Its just too soon. Besides, she needs to focus on sorting her head out because to be honest, if you don't love yourself, no one will love you.

xxPretty Lashesxx

Picture Source (google images)

When Love isn't Enough

I know this girl. Let's call her Sunshine because that's what she is like; a great big dollop of goodness that puts you in a good mood.

I wouldn't exactly say we are friends but we talk and are very cordial. For a month or so, she hasn't been so full of said sunny disposition. She has been really down and didn't want to talk about it. I had an idea of what was wrong and when she eventually did, it turns out I was spot on.

She moved to the UK for a man. She left her family and everything she knew and loved to move to a new continent with a man she thought she would get married to and have kids with. This was about 9 years ago. Things were good for about 6 months then they started to go horribly bad. He became incredibly possessive. She couldn't go out. She couldn't have friends outside of his friends. He took full control of the meagre wages she earned., seeing as she couldn't work more than a certain amount of hours a day.If she so much as five minutes late home, he would question her.

Then the beating started. It was a slap here and there at first; when they got into a heated argument. It then became a regular occurence. She only needed to look at him the wrong way for him to punch her. She still had to send money home to her family; an amount he regulated.

She had no one to confide in, he basically owned her. The way she was able to get out of the hellish relationship was when he went back to his native Jamaica for a family emergency. She packed her things and RAN. She decided to stay in London because the didn't want to go back to her country without having achieved anything.

A few months later, she got a promotion and started doing a bit better for herself. She saved up enough money to go home for a holiday and met a guy there. So in need to be in love and to be loved she dove into the new relationship head first. This time the man moved here and 8 months after they met, they were married. She honestly thought the beginning of the rest of her life had started. Except it hadn't.

He couldn't get a job at first so she paid for everything, rent included. They lived in a small room, sharing a flat with students. This was ok though because that's what you do when you are married. You make sacrifices in the hope that the future gets better.Except it didn't.

 He decided that he would stop looking for a job and go to school full time to study basketball because he had it in him that he would be the next big thing even though he is 33 years old.  She took out loans to pay his school fees because he told her he would 'pay her back'. She would leave the flat at 7am to go to work and wouldn't get home till 9pm but would still have to cook and clean because all he did was watch basketball and play video games.

He left her 2 years ago because; in his words; 'Their life was boring and she always nagged'. She begged him to take her back and promised that she will try to work things out her end as long he promised to do the same.

They got back together and things were OK for a while. She says she tried to nag less. He still didn't look for a job. She still paid for everything. She tried to carry on the best way she knew how to. Then a month ago, he left her again because 'she wasn't trying enough for him'. He is with his lecturer now. He has moved in with her; even though she also knew that he was married and had met Sunshine a few times. Things aren't so straightforward this time though. She just found out she is pregnant.

He wants nothing to do with the baby. He already has 3 kids by 3 different women back in the States that he doesn't take care of.

I broke down in tears for her when she told me her story because I really felt for her.She said all she has ever done is to try to love; all she has ever wanted is to be loved. She has given everything she can to men only for them to treat her like a leper. She is in £30000 worth of debt because of this man. She doesn't know where to start from. She is 34, living in a room with a baby on the way.

I know she could have done things differently the second time round but to be honest, I can understand the need to be loved, especially after coming out of a very bad relationship. She jumped to the first man that treated her decently.

I didn't have anything to say to her except cry. What to do say when someone bares their soul in this way?

My question is that is love ever enough? When will men realise that taking women for granted is just plain evil? Why are people so cold hearted?

xxPretty Lashesxx